No photoshopping the Truth

I am a girl, who has stories to tell. My stories may seem fictitious to you and it may be real to another. However, i will not stop just because you might judge me. Go ahead and think what you may, but that will not erase the fact that i have told you the truth.

You might reject this because you have been where i am, and you have hidden that dark secret.
I am a Christian who struggle with issues of morality. This does not make me less of a person than you.
For years, i was prompted to become a Christian, by family, friends and music. I refused to listen, because i wanted to see what Christianity was all about. I wanted to know what it meant to be a Jesus' follower.
When i became Christian, i gave my heart and soul to God, because i wanted to live in the spirit and to walk in it. Everything i did was to make him proud and to let others around me, see him in me.
Throughout the years that followed, i never allowed my past to tear that bond i had with God. It was constantly nagging me, but i was not going to let go of the bond i had with Jesus. Refusing to actually face it and confront it, made it to my relationship, where i was crushed. I mean i have always had the right words to give to a friend or two when they came for advice, and i have always known what to do in a situation. I hit my own fear and struggles, and only brought them up when i needed to make a point, without really confronting it.
My friends looked at me in awe.  They wished they had as much faith as i did, and i told them, it was not easy.
The battle ragging within me was too much for me to bear on my own.

When i got the man i believe God gave to me, i realized it was about time i confronted the devil in me. The battle cry sounded louder, as i struggled with Divided atttention, scared that i might lose he who has kept me for this long. I gave that man less attention than i did God, and the man never complained much. He gave me his heart, while i held his at a distance. How can you be courting, yet your energy is not in the relationship?

It's not like i was not praying for him and us. I was praying really hard for us both to grow in wisdom with God as well as in love with each other. The fear i had was that of the person i was inside. I had to go through anger management in High school to actually obtain the love God offered me. It was due to an experience i had as a child, and when i finally realized years later what it was, i hated all men. The source of my anger raged from that experience. Later, i began to hate women who took advantage of those who were unable.

Thank Jesus he saved me and gave me a second chance to view life. The experience that held me in bondage, telling me i will never be whole again, that i will forever be bonded to him moved into my relationship. I could not bring myself to hurt the man i really wanted to be with. I kept my distance, until four months ago, i told God of how i had prayed for this man to be mine. If he can grant that prayer, can't he also grant me the chance to connect with him in heart?
I bought a book, "The power of a Praying wife" and another for him. His was that of a praying husband. Silly right???
Who cares. I wanted to make sure i was moving in the right direction and also to understand the full meaning of marriage as well as relationship. Being a tomboy for a few years and always with a folded fist was not going to make a relationship work.
So yes, give me a break.

Reading through the book and sharing my thoughts and views with my knight, made me understand exactly what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to pray for the man he has given me. Scratch the whole praying for the relationship, but pray for the man.

I began praying for him everyday, that the Lord will increase his wisdom and knowledge. He will increase his understanding of God's word, and will open his heart to new ideas, new thinking and just to for God to go before him.
Little by little, I noticed that i was being changed. The connection in heart that i had been praying for, began to take shape. Slowly, i found myself falling in love with the man God gave me. The funny, silliest thing is that he was not around. He was in another country, working hard to earn enough so he can pay for his undergrad.

People always say that "out of sight is out of mind," which will mean emotions are disconnected. How wrong they are.

With God as the core founder of that relationship, nothing can stand between you both.

I just came back on Sunday from spending a week with him in his country and his mother and brothers and cousins. People complained that we looked alike. Hehehehehehe.

He came back with me for at least a week or more, and i can say that in the last two weeks, i have found God.
We both have found God.

I mean that we both have seen what it means to follow the desires of our flesh as well letting the spirit dwell in us. We have found how weak we are as humans in the flesh, thinking we can maintain purity because we are Christians. We have seen the danger we post to each other in the flesh, as well how beautiful our relationship can be when we allow God to sit between us. Together, we sat down to reevaluate our actions and question God's will. It was not an easy trip. We spoke of the things that people will consider too private to talk with your partner, and we before God opened our hearts.

We fell so much in our thinking, actions and words, but we never gave up. We shed tears of weakness and how we could not do things on our own, and we picked our brokenness up again to try and let God take control. Together as a couple, we prayed before God, cried together. Did i say cry together?????
Yes. He shed tears of weakness and told me he is not strong enough to hold us both. Together, we looked up to him who is able to carry us.

The struggle is not over, but one thing we did do, we had to redefine our boundaries before God, made promises and vow to keep each other accountable. He is looking forward to talking to his mentor.

Together, we have realized that letting God build this relationship and fight the battles for us will lead us to a better marriage. In the future, our marriage won't just be about the desire of our flesh, but a beautiful worship Song to him who was able to fight the battle we could not on our own.
Not only a woman glows, but a man does too. When they both walk in the spirit, the joy, love and bond of knowing that God is on their side and gives them an inexplicable joy.

Acknowledging the truth and letting God deal with your weakness will bring you much joy than hiding and pretending to shine when your road is too dark for you to see the holes.

Being a Christian is not easy. However, giving up will not really help, but lead you to the most miserable life you left. 

Do not be a stain glass.

PS: gooddian2013@gmail.com. If you have questions.