FOOLISHNESS VS FOOLISHNESS

Do you have no moments, where your mood just changes, and something is bothering you, but you absolutely have no idea what is bothering you? Everything around you becomes a nuisance. The people around you seem to do nothing right in your eyes, and they became irritable in your eyes? Everything they say seems to irritate you? I realized that I was going through that this week.

I had thought it was just from the stress of everything I ran away from in Kenya, but it was a bigger problem than I had thought. I had been feeling lonely, in as much as I was spending two weeks in Tanzania with Sandy and enjoying the beautiful cool weather of Lushoto, Lutindi and Korogwe. My moodiness, pushed me to do things, I wished I had not. I found my soul, becoming darker and darker, as I tried to justify my actions, as well as what I thought was not right in a courting relationship. Little did I know I was using my knowledge, my wisdom, which we can classify as that of the world. I forgot to look to the master of wisdom.

I tried to use the knowledge of the world and my thoughts to make my actions seem ok. I tried to see no wrong in the things we were doing, but you showed me that your word is the only true source of wisdom, knowledge and understanding that we will ever have.

Your spirit left me, my heart became heavy, void of love and alone. I began to see negativity in everything, just because I made a choice to let you go. I realized that I cannot survive on my own.

Earthly wisdom is foolishness full of pain, sorrow and regret. After I have tested the true wisdom (heavenly wisdom), I was able to differentiate the two wisdoms. Heavenly wisdom, gives you joy from within. It lights up your face and leaves a glow, making you feel like you’re flying and can’t touch the ground.

Earthly wisdom leaves you moody, filthy, sick in the stomach and defensive. You give no room to anyone in your heart, but you alone. You think only about you and before you know it, you are pushing away the ones you love and who matter to you.

The world tells you that you are doing nothing wrong. You allow yourself to do as the world said. At the end of the day, you find yourself fighting against what you are doing and not able to find a way out, you realize your stupidity and feel lost. You want to go back to the joy you had before, but are feeling very unworthy.

You want to scream your heart out and give up everything because you feel like you do not deserve that joy and happiness, since you gave it up in the first place.

Let me let you in on a secret.

The prodigal son in Luke 15:11-31, is not just a good old story. That is the love of a father who is always ready to have his child back. He loves you too much to cast you away. You cast yourself away, when you do not return to him to tell him you want to come home and to admit you were wrong in thinking you could do things on your own.

FREEDOM

Being a Christian is one of the hardest decisions one can make. Technically, we end up here because we are unable to make life on our own.

The things we do, are not always right although they seem right. 

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery" Gal 5:1.

What's the slavery Paul talks about? 

Have you ever looked at the things you are addicted to and asked yourself what they are doing to you? Aren't you a slave to them? You can't live without them, and you live in constant fear that something will happen to you if you try to let go. You are scared of your self image, losing your position, opening up to others and letting your weakness show. 

Isn't that fear what drives you to continue in whatever has taken a whole of you? 

Lets take a look at sexual immorality, which technically our generation is being eaten up by it? That picture that you keep staring at of that naked body, isn't it a prison to you and you can't live without staring at it? If you are away from it, you would desire to see a real figure striped naked so you can stare at them? 

Walking on a street, you see a woman with a split on her skirt and you might probably say, i wonder.....

What is it that you are suffering from that has put a chain around your neck? 

Many of us maybe enslaved by our past, and we are scared to let go and face the present as well as the future. Everyone around us, seems like a threat. Do you entertain that monster within you by giving it what it wants, thus killing yourself in the process? 

I speak not just because i am religious, nor because i have the scriptures memorized, but i speak as a woman who has experienced more than you can believe. From the outside, i may look like the perfect angel without defect or weakness. Earlier last week, i wrote about the "Stain glass," because i was fighting the demon of my past, which had to do with sexual desires. Not saying i had sex with my beloved Sandy, but letting you know, that even the outward appearance can be deceiving. 

For years, i was trapped by my past, which threatened me with fear. I was enslaved by the fear of dishonoring God, my family, friends and myself. I protected myself through masking that fear, while i was killing myself inside. 

Learning to speak to my beloved Sandy about the past, and allowing him to help me overcome it, we both found pure joy in discovering the Lord in our relationship. I am not saying temptations were not there. 

We overcame them because God was there and we constantly had great meetings with him, during meals, in the early mornings or at night before sleeping, and praying for increase in faith and strength. 

The initiative to expose my weakness, enabled me to have prayer warriors everywhere, who were willing to support us, give us courage as well as verses to read together. Being ashame of that which is killing you will not revive you, but build walls that were never meant to be built. 

As we talked and opened up to one another's weaknesses, God gave us pure joy. He gave us the wisdom to establish boundaries together. 

Saying goodbye today, made me feel like a new creation. I was happy that i had not been alone in fighting my battle. It was over, but i am without doubt that temptations will come now and then, but if we can say NO in the first phase of our strong bonding and listen to God, i can confidently say i am free. 

I look forward to happier days with God's will and plans for my life as well as Sandy's. 

I hence leave you with these verses: 

Romans 8

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." vs 26-27

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. vs 28

He who the son sets free is free indeed. I AM FREE

No photoshopping the Truth

I am a girl, who has stories to tell. My stories may seem fictitious to you and it may be real to another. However, i will not stop just because you might judge me. Go ahead and think what you may, but that will not erase the fact that i have told you the truth.

You might reject this because you have been where i am, and you have hidden that dark secret.
I am a Christian who struggle with issues of morality. This does not make me less of a person than you.
For years, i was prompted to become a Christian, by family, friends and music. I refused to listen, because i wanted to see what Christianity was all about. I wanted to know what it meant to be a Jesus' follower.
When i became Christian, i gave my heart and soul to God, because i wanted to live in the spirit and to walk in it. Everything i did was to make him proud and to let others around me, see him in me.
Throughout the years that followed, i never allowed my past to tear that bond i had with God. It was constantly nagging me, but i was not going to let go of the bond i had with Jesus. Refusing to actually face it and confront it, made it to my relationship, where i was crushed. I mean i have always had the right words to give to a friend or two when they came for advice, and i have always known what to do in a situation. I hit my own fear and struggles, and only brought them up when i needed to make a point, without really confronting it.
My friends looked at me in awe.  They wished they had as much faith as i did, and i told them, it was not easy.
The battle ragging within me was too much for me to bear on my own.

When i got the man i believe God gave to me, i realized it was about time i confronted the devil in me. The battle cry sounded louder, as i struggled with Divided atttention, scared that i might lose he who has kept me for this long. I gave that man less attention than i did God, and the man never complained much. He gave me his heart, while i held his at a distance. How can you be courting, yet your energy is not in the relationship?

It's not like i was not praying for him and us. I was praying really hard for us both to grow in wisdom with God as well as in love with each other. The fear i had was that of the person i was inside. I had to go through anger management in High school to actually obtain the love God offered me. It was due to an experience i had as a child, and when i finally realized years later what it was, i hated all men. The source of my anger raged from that experience. Later, i began to hate women who took advantage of those who were unable.

Thank Jesus he saved me and gave me a second chance to view life. The experience that held me in bondage, telling me i will never be whole again, that i will forever be bonded to him moved into my relationship. I could not bring myself to hurt the man i really wanted to be with. I kept my distance, until four months ago, i told God of how i had prayed for this man to be mine. If he can grant that prayer, can't he also grant me the chance to connect with him in heart?
I bought a book, "The power of a Praying wife" and another for him. His was that of a praying husband. Silly right???
Who cares. I wanted to make sure i was moving in the right direction and also to understand the full meaning of marriage as well as relationship. Being a tomboy for a few years and always with a folded fist was not going to make a relationship work.
So yes, give me a break.

Reading through the book and sharing my thoughts and views with my knight, made me understand exactly what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to pray for the man he has given me. Scratch the whole praying for the relationship, but pray for the man.

I began praying for him everyday, that the Lord will increase his wisdom and knowledge. He will increase his understanding of God's word, and will open his heart to new ideas, new thinking and just to for God to go before him.
Little by little, I noticed that i was being changed. The connection in heart that i had been praying for, began to take shape. Slowly, i found myself falling in love with the man God gave me. The funny, silliest thing is that he was not around. He was in another country, working hard to earn enough so he can pay for his undergrad.

People always say that "out of sight is out of mind," which will mean emotions are disconnected. How wrong they are.

With God as the core founder of that relationship, nothing can stand between you both.

I just came back on Sunday from spending a week with him in his country and his mother and brothers and cousins. People complained that we looked alike. Hehehehehehe.

He came back with me for at least a week or more, and i can say that in the last two weeks, i have found God.
We both have found God.

I mean that we both have seen what it means to follow the desires of our flesh as well letting the spirit dwell in us. We have found how weak we are as humans in the flesh, thinking we can maintain purity because we are Christians. We have seen the danger we post to each other in the flesh, as well how beautiful our relationship can be when we allow God to sit between us. Together, we sat down to reevaluate our actions and question God's will. It was not an easy trip. We spoke of the things that people will consider too private to talk with your partner, and we before God opened our hearts.

We fell so much in our thinking, actions and words, but we never gave up. We shed tears of weakness and how we could not do things on our own, and we picked our brokenness up again to try and let God take control. Together as a couple, we prayed before God, cried together. Did i say cry together?????
Yes. He shed tears of weakness and told me he is not strong enough to hold us both. Together, we looked up to him who is able to carry us.

The struggle is not over, but one thing we did do, we had to redefine our boundaries before God, made promises and vow to keep each other accountable. He is looking forward to talking to his mentor.

Together, we have realized that letting God build this relationship and fight the battles for us will lead us to a better marriage. In the future, our marriage won't just be about the desire of our flesh, but a beautiful worship Song to him who was able to fight the battle we could not on our own.
Not only a woman glows, but a man does too. When they both walk in the spirit, the joy, love and bond of knowing that God is on their side and gives them an inexplicable joy.

Acknowledging the truth and letting God deal with your weakness will bring you much joy than hiding and pretending to shine when your road is too dark for you to see the holes.

Being a Christian is not easy. However, giving up will not really help, but lead you to the most miserable life you left. 

Do not be a stain glass.

PS: gooddian2013@gmail.com. If you have questions.

Stained Glass

Are we happy plastic people???? Is there anyone that fails, falls or am i the only one in church today feeling so small. Christianity today has become a stage. You portray the "Holy than thou" and point fingers at the innocent that need you most. Inside, you are fighting your own masked guilt, battles which you can't win, hence you pretend that everything is ok.
They may mask their frailty, and look strong on the outside. You who wish someone would see that pain will tuck your pain away, because nobody seems to be in the same boat as you.
If you would allow me to steal the words from a song i will let you know what i mean.

Casting growns has literally explained to us the type of Christianity we seem to be having today. "Stained Glass Masquerade" is what we see today. We have Christians who are struggling and are wondering if its wrong for us to struggle.
 
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Right now, right here, i will not shy away from my darkness and my struggles. If i don't let you see me for me, how then will you help me??????

I will not go with the norm. My life as it always has been, will be an open book to those who can read it. I will not mask my frailty to be of importance, but i will fall down on my knees when i hit rock bottom and reach out to him who is willing to carry me back again.
When the battle cry sounds, i will not give in just because i have fallen a number of times. I will face it with all the might that comes from he, who saw me before i was born, and who knew me before my mother gave birth to me.

How you design the strategy for that battle will depend on you. I am armed and ready to fight.